Vision Quest: The 20-rep Back Squat

We set out on vision quests more than most ever will.  The nature of our training relegates us to a strange sect who are always looking for enlightenment and purification through pain and suffering.  It's an integral part of what makes CrossFitters a little....off.  However, it's also a key component of why CrossFit is so effective.  The vision quest is regarded as a one-time journey to determine one's life path by many native American cultures.  For our purposes though, it is a constant re-affirmation of why we're here.

Sometimes we forget what we're doing here.  Why do we come to this cube of concrete and steel, filled with stale sweat and raw, unpainted steel?  What brings us back to this dungeon of physical exertion time and again to fight a battle we cannot win with an enemy we cannot see?  We come for the battle, not for the victory.  Even when we're worn out, long past due for a rest day, and unable to recall why, it comes rushing back to us in a flash the second our heart rate revs up to red-line.  Soon we find ourselves back in that eerie netherworld between awake and unconscious, and elated to have remembered why.

Speaking from personal experience, it wasn't Jesus that was talking to me... it was the other guy.

Continuously chasing that "out of body" experience we get after laying it all on the floor in "Fran" or "Helen" can be a powerful motivator.  Fortunately, that feeling is a direct result of the intensity required to reap the biggest benefits of our training.  It's both a reward for and an element of CrossFit - only we don't have to walk across the desert trippin' balls on peyote to get it.  The pain is real....it never lies, and it will tell you exactly what you need to hear.  What you need to hear might be that you have the power to control the stress at work.  Perhaps that you have the ability to make your relationships amazing.  It could be that you are powerful beyond your wildest dreams, and you can win the CrossFit Games. It's a different destination for each of us, every day.  You arrive there by trying to outrun the pain in "Grace" or by wearing the vest and keeping the pedal to the metal in "Murph", or completing the "man test" that is a 20-rep back squat.  In fact, I'd posit that the 20-rep back squat is about the biggest vision quest you can take in a gym.

 Deciding what weight to use for a 20-rep back squat is like being the priest in The Exorcist: The Beginning, and being asked by nazi bastards to choose which child will be killed first; it's Russian Roulette with a barbell.  Mark Rippetoe once said,  "During the last few reps of a true 20RM squat, just do what Jesus tells you."  Speaking from personal experience, it wasn't Jesus that was talking to me... it was the other guy.



Since Derek had done the same to me last year, I figured I'd return the favor and add 5lbs to his PR and roll with that.  'Cause, ya know F him (D, love ya buddy!).  I slid the plates on, did a sign of the cross, tossed out a few "The power of Christ compels you's" and went forth to meet he who cannot be named under the bar.

At about rep 13 you start getting scared shitless and really winded.  It's like that point in a max effort mile, at the beginning of the 3rd lap when you know you're not quitting but you think it's possible you'll die before you finish - fate be damned.  Your heart muscle succumbing to the mind numbing speed at which it's working like a ruddy red colored mini Hiroshima and exiting your body nigh the speed of light.  At rep 17 you see the shore, and harden with terrible resolve not to be defeated.  There's no way you can be stopped now.

There is no fucking way you're not standing up 3 more times.

This just might be the point of the exercise.  You've already paid a terrible price -17 soul crushing reps - the cost of failing or quitting now would be immense.  There is no fucking way you're not standing up 3 more times.  Starting on the descent into the 18th rep you realize that even in this state of wholesale uselessness, bathed in burning lactic acid you can will yourself to continue.  The obvious application to, shit, everything is immediate.  At rep 19 you've all but declared victory, as no law of physics or biology will steal this moment from you, there is only one more to be done.

You are the toughest you will ever be right now.   Kathy Bates could Carlton-Fiske your ankles with hammer of Thor at this moment and you won't falter.  When you finally lock out that 20th Rep and dump the bar (if you can make it to the rack, you did it wrong), the tremendous head rush is enough to put you on the floor - and it will.  You've gone to the place and back again, and learned something about yourself yet again.  Nothing provides an immediate strength gain (nothing safe or legal that is), However, the mental fortitude you take away from this exercise is immediately available, despite your severely disabled body.  I recommend trying something that sucks as soon as you're able to walk again.  If you complete this vision quest - a true 20-rep max back squat - I don't even care what the weight is...I'd go back to back with you in any bar fight in the known universe, because you are one tough bastard.