Eyes Up

All you have to do is look up.

I had a moment of clarity Thanksgiving morning. Something that's as common in Daigleville as invites to the playboy mansion...shit doesn't happen chief. It takes a bit of a nudge to push me out of the fog and into the bright sunny morning sometimes. Fortunately, we have a lot of things in CrossFit that are pretty good at pushing us around. Thanks to that pushing, I learned something I hadn't realized before. A powerful new weapon to wage war on negative self talk.

I showed up to CFNE early, as it takes me about 20 years to warm up for "Murph." I stretched a little and went for a 400m run to get loose. You know those runs - the ones where your legs feel like lead and your lungs burn like they're filled with habanero infused asbestos. Some days the runs are just hard - and some days the weight is really heavy. When that happens during a warm up it generally begins a cascade of thoughts that lead to self-defeat...at least for me. I tried to put that run behind me as I continued the warm up, though. After all, this is MURPH. As my man Geoff Leard would say, "WWMMD?" (What would Michael Murphy do?).

Not just straight ahead, but up at the bright blue American-as-fuck sky of Thanksgiving morning

Before the workout started, we listened to the posthumous presentation of the medal of honor to Lt. Murphy. It was a powerful feeling, and as soon as the speech ended Ben unexpectedly yelled, "3-2-1 GO!" We took off like a bat out of hell, there was a huge traffic jam at the door, so I threw some 'bows and made a hole for Geoff to get by...he had work to do, like setting the CFNE record for Murph.

Only 2 laps into the first mile I was already feeling that heavy, suffocating feeling of Rosie O'Donnell sitting on your chest. Only I wasn't wearing a vest, which was troubling. As inspiring as it was to watch Geoff on his journey to a world-class performance, I was still suffering. I called to bear all the positive self talk I could muster, but still I was clinging to a doubt emboldened by the pain in my chest.

"Maybe it's a heart attack? Oh stop being a pussy and run.", I thought. The mid-WOD Santa Claus brought me some serious muscle fatigue which I fought like a honey badger to not focus on, but the going was tough. It was like running through a hallway filled waist-deep with molten marshmallow, and angry, evil, ball-kicking Lilliputian.

Despite my gray matter beating itself bloody, instead of railing against the burning and suffering being reported by the peripheral nervous system it was soon time for the second mile. One of the most harrowing tasks in all of CrossFit is the second mile of Murph. I just plunged headlong into the run and tried not to think about anything. I ended up in a place you're familiar with....running, head down with my eyes on the ground about eight feet in front of me.

All of a sudden it dawned on me like a med ball square on the nose. Eyes UP! I looked up. Not just straight ahead, but up at the bright blue American-as-fuck sky of Thanksgiving morning. There were pretty clouds, leaves rustling on the trees, and warm rays of sunshine highlighting it all. Suddenly my legs didn't hurt so much. My chest didn't feel quite so collapsed on itself. I remembered that this is FUCKING AWESOME. It's beautiful out here in the cool air with wings on my feet. Next thing I knew I was floating, smooth, and easy.

That one small, effortless adjustment did more for my mental state and sense of physical well-being than anything I had tried in the previous half hour. Suddenly I found myself feeling free, happy, and content. Where the FUCK ELSE would I rather be than here, now. Nowhere. I turned to thoughts of gratefulness that I was capable of doing this and that some rougher men than I afforded me the opportunity to do so. Not eyes on the prize, or boobs, or anything else they're usually focused on - just UP. Taking in that clear, blue, sunny sky on a crisp November morning did wonders for perspective.

Next time you're sucking buttermilk through your balloon-knot in the middle of a workout... stop. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and just lift your eyes up past the horizon. Look around at the beautiful things around you and take joy in the work you're doing. All you have to do is look up.