Travel Like a CrossFitter

Aspen does not suck.

CrossFit gyms have changed ex-gym rats into savvy, healthy, cultish weirdo's. Turned skiddish soccer moms into metcon mavens, and transformed “trainers” from low-rent college kids who only looked like they were in shape because they couldn't afford food, to jet-setting celebrities that travel the world teaching the way of the barbell. The functional fitness movement has changed a lot about the small corner of the world that we live in. In times B.C. (before CrossFit) I could count the number of trips I'd taken on one hand. Now, it seems like I'm always planning the next adventure, and they almost always involve CrossFit.

Spandex trying to flatten out your huevos rancheros on a plane isn't my idea of a good time. 

Travel like a Boss.

There's only one way to travel: Like a boss. As I preside over seat 36F on this Boeing 757 enroute to Denver, Colorado, I've been pondering the ways CrossFitters travel which differ from the rest of the populace. As I enjoy the epic-win of window seat plus no one in the center seat, I'll share some tips so that newer members of the community can enjoy the travel perks we've become accustomed to. Timing of travel is as important as checking to see if there's enough TP before you sit on the throne. Also, your intermodal (i.e. between home and the airport) movement is just as important as your flight(s). There's important clothing considerations to be made as well. One does not simply wrap their elite, fatless bum in any old rags and traipse across the continent. Planning ahead to make sure your nutritional and exercise needs will be taken care of is key, and one of few things we share with the bodybuilding/figure competitor community.

It's 3 on, 1 travel. Traveling even short distances consumes nearly an entire day and is always hectic. So plan ahead, and travel on your rest day. This way you're not freaking out like a teenage girl that just peed a “plus” sign. If you have to go an extra day straight in advance to make it happen, go for it. Planning flights early in the AM or red-eye's that you can zonk out on are always great too. Mornings appeal to most CrossFitters, so flights before 7am are a good choice. Your innate need to compete at all times will be satisfied by the hurried-before-dawn feel of morning travel. Have a black-eye with the new blond roast at 'buckies in the terminal to achieve a caffeine induced state of awesome that will make your fellow passengers want to backhand you into to the galley. Tell the barista I sent you.

Are you close to the airport? You booked a 5am flight. Do you want to get up at 3am? No, that sucks donkey balls. Also, it would be impossible to get the 8+ hours of sleep required for your extra point in the paleo challenge. Solution: Airport hotel. The Hilton at Logan Airport in Boston is connected directly to terminal A and E via a “skybridge”, which as close as I can tell is a catwalk with moving sidewalks and a very pretentious name. ALWAYS walk fast on these and feel like Usain Bolt with a rocket booster strapped to your ass. I recommend checking to see where the terminal gates are though. Fortunately, I lucked out and ended up as far from terminal “C” as possible. This gave me an opportunity to showcase my elite fitness by speed-walking all the way through the airport and arriving at the gate calm and non-sweat-beast.

Small Airports Rock.

Spandex trying to flatten out your huevos rancheros on a plane isn't my idea of a good time. Save the compression gear for your workouts. There are comfortable ways to sit in the worlds smallest seats next to people who are wide enough to occupy three quarters of your personal space. It's not the 50's, so we won't be attired in tie and tweed jacket to make a journey. Jeans? Come on bro, you're better than that. Here's how to thread up for your voyage: Comfy shoes like sneakers or running shoes are great. Choose socks that don't promote foot sweat...A) that stinks, B) no one wants swamp foot for 6hrs.  If its summer shorts are a good go. If it's cooler you'll want pants of course. I prefer the crème de la crème here. Lululemon pants are the motherfucking SHIT for traveling. It doesn't get more comfortable, your ass looks so good it could be photoshopped, and there's also a tactical advantage. Truck through security like a greased up naked guy – there's nothing to check. It's obvious nothing is concealed within, and there aren't any metal buttons, snaps, or buckles that will doom you to additional screening. Tops are where it gets really specific. CrossFitters ALWAYS travel in CrossFit T-shirts. This is non-negotiable. There's a few reasons for this: 1) CrossFit T-shirts are usually high quality, soft, extremely comfy blends. Perfect. 2) We feel the need to constantly fly colors. That's just how it is - suck it. This identifies us to other cult members – er, CrossFitter's – so we can bask in each others awesomeness and network. You'd be shocked how many times you'll run into other CrossFitters at airports or on planes. Once identified you can have a 5hr conversation about CrossFit with this person.

If there's an In 'n' Out in the area, paleo can go F itself.

Checking blogs, seeing where local affiliates are, digging through programming, and seeing who has the coolest T-shirts are among the the things to look for when going abroad. Only CrossFitters do research gyms before a planning a trip. This precedes even searching for flights, hotels or rental cars.  It's customary to email the Affiliate in question ahead of time and let them know that you'd like to “drop-in” when you're in town if that's cool, and what the drop-in procedure is. These range from nothing, to a small fee, to Affiliate T-shirt exchanges. Check ahead of time. Right after finding gyms in the area to workout while you're away, you need to feed yourself something other than fast food or bags of nuts and jerky. A Google map of all the area Whole Foods markets near your destination is recommended. The exception to this rule is when you're headed to a locale where there is some shitty-for-you food that is amazing and cannot be gotten at home. For me, that's things like In 'n' Out Burger, Bob's Big Boy, or Randy's Donuts. If there's an In 'n' Out in the area, paleo can go F itself. My personal research on travel destinations includes checking the Man Vs. Food website to see what places they've been in the area – like the Melt Bar in Cleveland – so I can try the 5lb grilled cheese challenge.